Hi everyone. It’s been about 6 months since my surgery (Stage 2 colon cancer, thankfully surgery only). Recovery feels slow – still dealing with significant fatigue some days and unpredictable bowel issues. My husband and teenage kids have been absolutely incredible, picking up all the slack with cooking, cleaning, everything. But I just feel consumed by guilt. I feel useless and like I’m just this burden they constantly have to manage. How do you shake this feeling? It’s really weighing me down.
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Oh Sarah, that feeling is so incredibly common, but please try not to internalize it too much. You are NOT a burden. You are RECOVERING from major cancer surgery. Your body is healing. Your family loves you and likely wants to support you – helping might be their way of feeling less helpless themselves.
Thanks Lisa. Logically, I know you’re right. But watching my husband come home tired from work and still have to make dinner because I’m crashed on the sofa… the guilt is just overwhelming sometimes.
Have you tried talking to him directly about the guilt? Just saying, “I appreciate you so much, but I feel so guilty needing this much help.” Hearing his reassurance might help internalize it. And maybe, on good energy days, identify one tiny thing you can do (like folding laundry while sitting) just to feel a small sense of contribution? But don’t push yourself. Healing IS your job right now.
As a caregiver, Lisa’s point about wanting to help is so true. It makes us feel useful in a scary situation. But the open communication is key too. Maybe he doesn’t see it as a burden at all, but as teamwork.
Your primary role right now is healing. Please don’t add the heavy weight of guilt to that already difficult task.
Find small ways to show appreciation that don’t require energy. A heartfelt “thank you,” ordering their favorite pizza if you can manage the app, leaving a nice note. Acknowledging their effort might ease your guilt and make them feel appreciated too.
Echoing Lisa – they love you! Think about it: if the roles were reversed, wouldn’t you do anything for them without seeing it as a burden? Let them show their love this way. It’s okay to accept help, especially now.
Sarah, please be kind to yourself. Stage 2 might not involve chemo, but the surgery is HUGE, and recovery takes real time. Have you considered talking to a therapist or oncology social worker? Processing these feelings of guilt and adjusting to the ‘new normal’ post-cancer is exactly what they help with. I found it invaluable.
I keep thinking about therapy. Maybe it really is time. Did it feel weird talking about ‘just’ surgery recovery when others are going through chemo?
Not at all! Your experience is valid. Cancer is trauma, surgery is trauma, recovery challenges are real, regardless of treatment type. A good therapist understands that. Comparison is the thief of joy (and healing!). Your feelings matter.
Your family likely sees your strength in just getting through this. They aren’t keeping score. Focus on your recovery – that’s the biggest contribution you can make to them right now. And 6 months isn’t that long for fatigue after major surgery. Mine lingered much longer (post-chemo too).
Don’t compare your recovery timeline to some imaginary standard. Everyone heals differently. Maybe focus on small, non-physical ways to contribute? Managing online grocery orders? Paying bills online? Things that require brain power but less physical energy?
