Hi everyone. It’s been about 6 months since my surgery (Stage 2 colon cancer, thankfully surgery only). Recovery feels slow – still dealing with significant fatigue some days and unpredictable bowel issues. My husband and teenage kids have been absolutely incredible, picking up all the slack with cooking, cleaning, everything. But I just feel consumed by guilt. I feel useless and like I’m just this burden they constantly have to manage. How do you shake this feeling? It’s really weighing me down.
Oh Sarah, that feeling is so incredibly common, but please try not to internalize it too much. You are NOT a burden. You are RECOVERING from major cancer surgery. Your body is healing. Your family loves you and likely wants to support you – helping might be their way of feeling less helpless themselves.
Thanks Lisa. Logically, I know you’re right. But watching my husband come home tired from work and still have to make dinner because I’m crashed on the sofa… the guilt is just overwhelming sometimes.
Have you tried talking to him directly about the guilt? Just saying, “I appreciate you so much, but I feel so guilty needing this much help.” Hearing his reassurance might help internalize it. And maybe, on good energy days, identify one tiny thing you can do (like folding laundry while sitting) just to feel a small sense of contribution? But don’t push yourself. Healing IS your job right now.
As a caregiver, Lisa’s point about wanting to help is so true. It makes us feel useful in a scary situation. But the open communication is key too. Maybe he doesn’t see it as a burden at all, but as teamwork.